OK, OK, here's one:

Disclaimer: The following story has no market relevance whatsoever...at least none about which we are aware. Any relationship to class or breeding conveyed by the telling of said story are strictly coincidental and not the intent of the purveyor.
Batteries not included. Some assembly required. Operators standing by, VISA/MC accepted.  OK! Enough already! Tell the story!

Two guys from Iowa (just picking on you, Scott, since you were the last to post, you can fill in any state, college, or whoever you want to pick on) go into a bar to celebrate. They are hooping it up and really, really excited about some achievement about which they are very proud. 

Finally, someone asks them what all the hubbub is about. "Are you kidding?" one of them says; "Just look at this!" And he holds up a jigsaw puzzle box. "We knocked this baby out in just under 2 weeks!" The bar patron is puzzled, seeing that it is a child's puzzle. "So what's the big deal with that?" he asks. 

"What? Are you nuts, man!?! Can't you see right on the side it says, '3 to 6 years'?"

I came into this forum to ask a really important stock question that I have been thinking about for a couple weeks now. I started reading all the jokes and began laughing so hard I have completly forgotten my question.

Oh well, there is always tomorrow!

Two old fellows were sitting on the porch of the nursing home when one turned to the other and said “George, I think I’m losing my mind.”

His friend said “Why do you say that, Charlie?”

“Well. You know that good looking red headed nurse?”

“Yeah.”

“This morning she came by and I reached out and patted her on the fanny. She turned around, put her hands on her hips, and said “Old man! You’ve had it.” And you’d think I would remember something like that.”

A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs, and swung him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me, I'm just looking around."

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and his vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, even his boots are made of paper, even his spurs are made of tissue paper. They arrest him for rustling.

A cowboy walks into the bar and asks for a whiskey. And suddenly another cowboy rushes in and yells, "Joe, Joe, hurry up, your house is on fire!' And the cowboy runs to the door and then he stops and he thinks: 'Hey — I ain't got no house!" Sits back down, drinks his whiskey, and suddenly another cowboy runs into the bar shouting: "Joe, Joe, hurry up, your father is dying! The cowboy jumps up and runs out and jumps on his horse and suddenly he remembers: "I ain't got no father!" So he walks back to the bar, sits down, finishes his drink and another cowboy bursts in and he yells: "Joe, Joe, hurry up, you won the lottery and there's a million bucks for you at the post office!" The cowboy jumps to his feet, runs out of the bar, jumps on his horse, gallops to the post office, dashes in, and then he says: "Hey! My name ain't Joe! It's Bob."

A Frenchman walks into a bar and he has a parrot on his shoulder. The parrot is wearing a baseball cap. And the bartender says, "Hey, that's neat — where did you get that?" And the parrot says, "France — they've got millions of them there."

A guy comes in with a frog on his head, and the bartender says, "Where did you get that?" And the frog says, "It started out as a little bump on my butt."

A horse walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "How come the long face?"

A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer and sat and drank it and he heard a voice. "Nice tie." Nobody was there except him and the bartender. "Really cool shirt, too." He thought he must be losing his mind. "I like your hair that way." He said to the bartender, "I keep hearing this voice." "Those are the peanuts, sir. They're complimentary."

A man walked into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. He told the bartender that the newt's name was Tiny. "Why?" asks the bartender. "Because he's my newt, that's why!" replied the man.

A naked guy walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables wrapped around his neck and orders a Scotch and soda. The bartender says, "O.K., but don't start anything."

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich." The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to "panda" and reads: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

A pork chop goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, you're food, and we don't serve food here."

 A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke?"

René Descartes was in a bar. At last call, the bartender asks him if he'd like another. Descartes says, "I think not." And he disappears. (took me a minute on this one)

Three forum members from the "Sorry once again" thread walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would have ducked.

Two guys were walking their dogs — one had a German Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man says, "They're not going to let dogs into the bar." And the first guy says, "No? Watch this." So he puts on some dark glasses, acts like the German Shepherd is a seeing-eye dog, walks into the bar and orders a drink. And no one says anything. So the second guy takes out some dark glasses, slips them on, and walks his Chihuahua into the bar. The bartender says, "Sorry — we don't allow dogs in here." And the man says, "It's okay — it's my seeing-eye dog." The bartender laughs and says, "This Chihuahua is your seeing-eye dog?" And the guy says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"

Two ropes go into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out of here. We don't serve ropes in here." The ropes go outside and one says to the other, "I have an idea." He ties himself up, messes up his hair, and goes back in. The bartender says, "Hey. No ropes." The rope says, "I'm not a rope." The bartender says, "You're not a rope?" "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."

Some fractured nursery rhymes.

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating hr curds and whey.
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And she swatted him with a rolled up newspaper

Mary had a little lamb.
Very strange genes.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.
She spanked them all soundly and sent them to bed
And said “From now on he uses a condom.”

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.
Jack jumped over the candlestick.
The flame was high and scorched the hair.
He said “Next time I’ll put on my pants/”

This has been fun so far, but let;s not start bashing politicians or political parties. 

I don't criticize yours and you don't criticize mine.